I don’t think you understand that when you stopped having meaningful conversations with me, you gave up your right to have pointless conversations with me. You can’t just walk in and out of my life as you please. I swear it’s like you have some type of radar; just when i start to accept the fact that you are no longer a part of my life, you waltz in like nothing ever happened. This is not a game. This is my life. This is my happiness. I am not just a challenge, you can’t just work for it until you get what you want. I am a person with feelings. You can’t just pick me up and play with me when you’re bored, then put me on the shelf when something new and shiny comes along. This isn’t an opportunity for you to try to score, then walk away the big winner and move on to the next game. I am not going to let you play me. I am not going to let you take advantage of how forgiving I am. I am not going to let you hurt me again.

Game over, you lose.

that should be me

i am so sick of not feeling good enough. i am sick of tearing myself apart every second of the day. i’m sick of analyzing every bit of my being, just so i can figure out what’s wrong with me, what i did, why you don’t want me. i’m done torturing myself. i can’t keep dealing with the idea that i’m an option. you don’t know how you feel? well i know how i feel. i feel used. i feel like i mean nothing. quite honestly, i feel like shit. i’m done being sick over you. i’m done wasting my time wondering if you might miss me the way i miss you. these shouldn’t even be thoughts in my mind. if you cared, i wouldn’t have these thoughts. i wouldn’t question whether you missed me. i wouldn’t have to worry about whether you were with her; whether i would come back to the two of you together. i want you to be happy, but i need to make myself happy too. you might not have said goodbye, but now i am.